Difficult relationships

It’s natural to want to avoid interacting with people with whom we disagree, or whose actions provoke or frustrate us. We believe that they are at fault for the way they make us feel. This is a misguided view, because these difficulties do not lie with the other party but how we react to them. In a time of rampant ideological conflict, I really believe that it’s important for more of us to come to realise this truth.

When we’re faced with difficult situations with others, we can look at it in a different way – that those people are providing us with opportunities to understand our own selves. By having this mindset, we can develop greater self-awareness of our own limitations and vulnerabilities. Not presuming that our opinions or behaviours are above theirs, and appreciating that none of us are above learning a lesson.

At the end of the day, we cannot and should not seek to change others according to our expectations. On a personal level, we all desire relationships where we can act fully like ourselves. Yet, we often find it so hard to extend that very same courtesy. What if we were more willing to listen, less quick to judge? Learning to let go of perceived provocations and focusing on responding well?

Of course, this isn’t to say that you should have the singular motive of accommodating each and every person you dislike being with. However, it is a different, and hopefully more helpful perspective that we can have towards difficult relationships that we inevitably have to deal with. By being aware of this, we can approach these scenarios better, and watch as our relationships, even with the most difficult people – start to change in a positive way. To better understand others is to better understand ourselves.